Random Secrets {and associated truths}

While on my journey to a healthier me, I have noticed several things that have made me go, “Hmmm…really?”  Here are just the few I have encountered so far:

1. At my heaviest weight (of 315) I went straight for the handicapped stall in a public bathroom.  Maneuvering my giant frame in a “regular” stall was just too damn difficult.  I am happy to say…I no longer {need to} do this.  I can fit just fine in a “regular” stall, so I can leave the handicap stall for those who truly need it.

2. The last time I weighed 250 pounds was *at least* eight years ago (2003).  However, my license has stated 250 pounds since then.  Even as my weight continued to climb into the 300’s, I could not bring myself to announce out loud, in public my true weight.  Thank goodness I never went missing or anything because the police would have been looking for someone *much* thinner than me.  (tee hee)  I am happy to say…I am actually getting close to that mark.  So, my license will only be a liar for a little while longer.

3. As I begin to “shrink” out of my clothes, I keep pulling out old clothes to try on.  See – I kept almost all of my clothes through various stages of fat in hopes that one day, “I’ll be skinny again.”  Here is the interesting revelation…*all* (and I do mean every last pair) of my old jeans are “missing” the tags.  How?  Why?  Oh, that’s simple.  I used to cut out the tags so I would not have to look at the sizes (because *seeing* a size ?? was depressing to me).  The problem is as I now fit into random pairs of jeans, I have *no idea* what size they are!  I am considering just going to buy new clothes, but the thought still frightens me…

4. At my heaviest clothes shopping was a *nightmare* (and that is actually putting it mildly).  I absolutely despised shopping for clothes…especially jeans/pants.  Since I cut out all the tags in my jeans/pants, shopping for *new* ones in the store was always a painful occurrance.  I had no choice but to stare down the sizes as I tried to suck it in and fit into something that was never really going to happen.  At which time I would be sitting in the fitting room sobbing (hopefully quiet enough so that no one else heard) and feeling sorry for myself.  While I am still not to the point where I am *excited* about clothes shopping, I certainly do not dread it with the amount of hatred I used to.  I am confident that I could actually go into Wal-Mart or Target and find clothes that fit me…without too much trouble.

5. The seat belt in my van is actually not too terribly uncomfortable after all.  At my heaviest weight, I avoided wearing a seat belt at *all* costs.  It was uncomfortable because it would have to come pretty much *all* the way out in order to fit around my chest and stomach.  This, of course, meant there was *no* wiggle room.  I could not lean forward at all (heaven forbid I ever drop *anything*).  I am ecstatic to report that I can now wear my seat belt comfortably *and* I can pick things up off the floor with the seat belt still on!

I am sure there are more little quirks I adopted at my heaviest weight to accommodate myself, but these are all I can think of right at this moment.  As I discover more things, I will certainly share them.  Calling myself on these things helps to correct the mental processes that allowed me to make excuses (and I am all about being self-aware anyway).

Have you done any of these things (or other similar things)?

-Erica

2 responses to “Random Secrets {and associated truths}

  1. I’m guilty of cutting out tags, mostly on sweaters and coats so that other people wouldn’t see them. I realized as I was bagging up clothes for donation last night that not having tags in those things is going to make it difficult for the resale stores to use them. Or maybe not. I bagged a bunch of size 16 pants last night, as they were too big, but then tried on one pair of size 16s that wouldn’t even fit over my hips. Go figure.

    • That is definitely one thing about clothes that frustrates me (there is no “standard” on sizing). I have given/thrown away pants that range in sizes from 26 to 22 over the last month (all of which were too big). My workout pants I just purchased this past week are 16/18, but the one pair of jeans I have left that do fit are 22. Different brands have a different take on sizes, which just makes it harder to know *really* what size I am in.

      -Erica

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