It is *that* time again, folks. Time to cross another item from my list of goals! I must admit it is *so* exciting to cross things off that list – it really becomes a motivator all in itself. I often find myself thinking, “What item on my list of goals am I closest to meeting? How can I push a little harder to meet it ASAP?”
Yesterday I was out and about with my mother. We ended up at Wal-Mart to pick up some books I had ordered online (I will be sharing those with you in another post, by the way). While I was there I decided I was going to try on a pair of pants. A size 16. Why, you ask? Do you remember last month when I posted about *finally* fitting into a size 18 again? Well, those pants are baggy now. Not “falling down” baggy, but loose none-the-less. So loose, in fact, I can fit an arm in the side of them while wearing them (just about half-way up my forearm).
I truly thought that would be impossible, considering I *just* bought those 18’s a month ago…almost exactly. Well, it was not impossible, folks. I *totally* fit into those 16’s!!! Excitement overwhelmed me, and I actually got a little teary-eyed over the whole thing. I stood staring at myself in the mirror in complete shock and wonderment.
How could this be? How could I be in a size 28 just about seven months ago?! How could I possibly be standing here in a size 16 now? The time seems to be slipping away so quickly and I am changing/shrinking just as quickly. It is beyond my ability to completely comprehend it all, honestly.
As I am lost inside my own head trying to wrap my head around this whole situation, my mother breaks into my thoughts with, “Well…are you going to let me see?!” My celebratory mode went down several notches at that moment. See, you must understand that my mother began this journey with me 33 weeks ago. The difference is that she has not been quite as successful as I have (and that is putting it mildly). At times I feel as though I am just “rubbing it in” because I can see the pained look on her face as I celebrate another milestone in my journey. She does not intend to do it, I do not think, but I can see it. I can hear it in her tone of voice. And it shows now that she rarely (if ever) travels to the gym with me. On the rare occasions she does go with me, she often sits on the sidelines observing me trying new things, challenging myself, and sometimes making a complete fool of myself. I find it hard to be genuinely excited about my “transformation” in her presence for fear of hurting her feelings or even making her feel as though I think I am better than her.
At any rate…I did not purchase the jeans. In case you were wondering. The 18’s are baggy/loose on me, but I figure I can wear them a little longer without any trouble. I would hate to keep purchasing new clothes every single month until I am finished losing. Maybe some people have that kind of cash lying around, but I certainly do not. 🙂 So, for now I will stay in my baggy 18’s, and maybe I will try on a pair of 14’s next month…
Do you have anyone in your life that feigns support and happiness for you, but you can tell it is forced? If so, how do you deal with that?